A very common question asked in the first meeting with an expectant or adoptive parent is what are the different types of adoption and what kind of relationship can I have with the other family involved in this process? The easy answer is whatever you want! But, of course it is much more complicated than that. It is an important topic to explore when deciding what is best for you and your family.
There are three levels of contact in agency adoption: Closed, Semi Open, and Open.
Closed: A closed adoption is one in which there is no contact between the adoptive and birth parent. The birthparents may choose the family or have the agency pick the best match, but are not requesting pictures, updates, or direct contact. Additionally the adoptive family would have limited information on the birth family. This is our least recommended form of contact and is only an option of expectant and birth families.
Semi Open: In this type of adoption the expectant or already birthed parents would likely choose the adoptive family from a number of potential options using profile books. They may also meet the adoptive family in person or over zoom before or after the child is born. They would then receive updates, photos, etc. through the agency by request. They can also send gifts or other items to the child if they so wish. The adoptive parents would receive a more comprehensive packet of information on the birth family and would be able to have an open dialogue with them through the agency. This kind of adoption can only be guaranteed in agency adoption due to the photo agreement adoptive parents sign when they are placed.
Open: In this type of adoption the birth parents will choose the adoptive family from a number of potential options using profile books. They may also meet the adoptive family in person or over zoom before or after the child is born. After the child is born updates would be sent through the agency until finalization has occurred. After this time a fully open relationship would be started including sharing contact information and setting up in person meetings in the future. This starts a life-long relationship with ongoing contact by both parties. This kind of adoption can only be guaranteed in agency adoption due to the photo agreement adoptive parents sign when they are placed.
As an agency we absolutely promote the Semi Open and Open form of contact. Having a relationship with the other family involved in your adoption plan is a gift that can never be fully realized. On the Birthparent side it allows you to watch your child grow and flourish and to be a part of their lives as they grow up. On the Adoptive Parent side it gives you a more intimate relationship with your child’s first family and more information about all aspects of your child’s biology and history. Additionally, it can lead to a more open and understanding conversation with your children about their adoption journey.
In fact, we do not allow our Adoptive Families to choose only the closed option. Our adoptive families sign a contract that states that they will stay in contact with us for the entirety of the child’s life and send updates when requested. This is only guaranteed in agency adoption as other forms of adoption do not have access to these contracts. This is not a requirement of the birth parent side of adoption. Our expectant and birth parents are making the hardest decision of their lives. Therefore, if they feel a closed adoption is what is right for them we will absolutely honor that, while also ensuring them that if they ever change their minds those wishes will be honored as well.
What a semi open or fully open adoption looks like ranges from family to family. There are some families who we will be open to visits in person and some that will want to start with emailing and zoom calls. Some families will have the blessing of meeting their child’s first family before or after the child’s born and some may only see pictures or learn about them from the agency. The benefit of working with an agency is that we will guide both sides in this journey for the entirety of the child’s life and ensure everyone’s wishes are being honored.
There is not a right or wrong in level of contact, there is only your way. Every adoption is as different as the individuals participating in the adoption. Lean on your case worker for advice, but ultimately do what you feel is best for yourself, your family, and of course the child.
*The sentiments expressed in this blog represent Cradle of Life Staff and/or Clients and do not necessarily reflect the sentiments or policies of all adoption agencies.